Dear Internet,

I'm not entirely sure, but I think my husband is trying to poison me. See, there's a single slice of pizza leftover from last night's dinner in our fridge. It's sitting on a plate, covered in plastic wrap. It is a chicken fajita slice. It looks innoccent enough. And yet...and yet...

My husband has just asked me for the SEVENTH time today if I'm going to eat it for lunch. That's 7 times before 12:30. This is frightening me.

I thought at first, okay... he keeps asking me because, in fact, he really wants it himself. So, the fifth time he asked me, I said," Oh, you can have it if you want. I'll find something else."

And he goes, "oh no, no, no. You have it. Really. I want you to have it."

So, I'm all "okay." You know, whatever. It's like 10:30 at that point and I have just finished eating a cup of peach yogurt with bran mixed in and I'm not really invested in the idea of lunch.

But then he asks again barely an hour later as I'm feeding the dog her lunch. Once again, I make with the non-commital noises and shrug my shoulders in the universal way which communicates "I dunno. What's with you and the pizza all of a sudden?"

And just minutes ago, he asked yet again.

The conversation:

Jack: So...um... are you going to eat that piece of pizza?

Me: Man! What up with you and that pizza?! This is like the seventh time you've asked me that today. Look, if you really want it, have it! I'll find someting else for lunch.

Jack: No,No, No! No, really. You have it. It's just one piece.

Me: No, really, honeyhead. Go ahead. You seem really interested in that piece of pizza.

Jack: No, no. I insist. You have it. It's not enough for my lunch, but it's just right for you. You have it.

Me: Okay, you're freaking me out with the pizza thing. Are you trying to poison me? Are you going to K-k-k-kill me K-k-Ken? (borrowing line from A Fish Called Wanda)

Jack: (being all creepy and sinister and stuff in that mock fashion that could actually be a cover for his true, evil and nefarious plans to off me with poisoned pizza thus falling heir to everything I own and soul custody of the iPod.) Noooooo! Nooooooo, of course not, Sweetie. Everything is fine. FINE! And look at the pizza. It's so delicious. Isn't it tempting? aren't you tempted? don't you want to eat every last bite? And then maybe, you know, lie down and take a nice long nap? Oh, that's it! a nice long gentle nap....

So now I'm scared. And hungry. But mostly scared.

And also, Internet?* The three things thing is over. I'm going to be taking pictures of hats and dinner plates till the cows come home if I keep this up any longer!!! where ARE those cows anyway? I mean, it's been years now... you'd think they'd at least send a postcard once in a while, ring at Christmas and such...

I'll post the three things requests as soon as I have completed 'em all! Stay tuned.

*Yes, yes. It's a Dooce-ism. So sue me.

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