Two Totally True Tales (with bonus April 2nd addendum)
Okay... so I have like six gazillion things that I should be doing instead of this, but there are a couple of things I just have to share.
So not last night, but the night before (...24 burglars came knocking at my door...I asked them what they wanted and this is what they said *...) oh, my GAWD! The train is off the tracks already and I'm like not even three sentences into this entry! Ack. Where was i....okay, so not last night, but the night before, Jack and I were all snug in bed with the wolf eating up way more than her alloted space and snoring some fantastically loud snores, watching Jon Stewart's The Daily Show.
His guest was none other than America's hottest whistle-blower Richard Clarke and Jon was going on about how he'd like read all of Clarke's book and the thing that surprised him was that it wasn't really as inflammatory as everyone is making it out to be.
And Richard Clarke replies about how really, most of what he's written has been talked about by other people already and isn't really new.
So I turned to Jack, partially obscurred by the Finnister's inky black, Dorito-scented feet, all four of which were sticking up in the air, and said..."Huh! way to sell your book, Dick. I'm just dying to read it now that I know it contains absolutely nothing new."
To which Jack responded, "yeah, well, he's no P.T. Barnum. I don't think the Dick Clarke approach would put butts in the seats. Ahem...Hey you! Come see my perfectly adequate circus. There's elephants, but they're not that big. And there's monkeys, but they're really kinda boring. I think one of them has a disease and he's not getting any better..."
And speaking of selling books, you're not gonna believe it, I know, and you're just going to think I'm trying to jump on the bandwagon, but I was almost in "Never Threaten to Eat Your Co-Workers", the new, much bally-hooed anthology of the best of blogs. Honest! I swear this is true! Really, really. I made it to the first cut (170 out of approximately 30, 000 according to Alan Graham, the book's editor along with the fabulous Bonnie Burton), but got mercilessly axed before the Final Cut. Boo. Hiss. Broken sob.
You totally think I'm lying, don't you? I see you sitting there, being all dubious and stuff. But it's totally true. TOTALLY. That means 100%. Really, really. I wouldn't brag about almost being anything if it weren't entirely true.
* ancient jump rope song from the dark ages when I was young and dinosaurs roamed the planet and we had teevee alright, but only the black and white kind.
April 2nd Addendum: Look! I got boinged! Click HERE and look toward the bottom of the long grey column on the right hand side. See? Proof I was totally telling the truth. Although now I kinda wish it was an April Fool's prank 'cuz that woulda been good. But it wasn't. It totally wasn't. I swear. O, and I'm Melanie Wilson by the way, just in case you only know me as Wee. Actually, legally, I'm Melanie Ford Wilson (no hyphen, 'cuz hyphens are icky), but best not to quibble over kudos, you know? And OMIGAWD... in a surprising spelling accident just now, I realized for the first time ever that if you drop the L from my name, I'm Meanie. Meanie Wilson. I kinda dig that. Maybe that should be my new nom de plume. KEWL! Okay, must go stomp snails with the wolf and stuff now. Ciao.
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