2004-01-03 � Friday Frights

Smells like Tween Spirit

I've returned for my second entry of the evening. WooHoo. But before you get too excited, please understand that I have not spent the span in between crafting a splendid journal entry about New Year's resolutions and growing my inner spirit and such. Oh no. I've spent it laying on my bed watching bad television, reading a "Tween" novel, and attempting to soothe the wolf who is in a bit of a state due to the raucous sounds emanating from the DVD player downstairs.

Now, given that I call her the wolf, you would think that my dog would be a bit of a bad-ass. And on occasion, she is rather. Occasions such as when there is another dog lurking in the vicinity or when strange men arrive on the doorstep to stuff my mailbox with useless flyers. But in truth, Finnegan Jane is a big ol' fraidy cat. Particularly when it comes to electronic devices of any sort. If you even so much as turn on the DVD player, she's up the stairs and cowering in bed before you can even insert the disk. This, we think, has to do with her fear of thunder and the fact that the sound on the DVD player runs through the stereo speakers and really rolls and magnfies any sound. And you would be alarmed by the number of movies which begin with a clap of thunder. Well, maybe not alarmed so much as surprised. At any rate, Jack has elected to spend this Friday night downstairs watching LOTR: The Two Towers at top volume and so the wolf and I are hunkered upstairs watching bad teevee... me, because despite the obvious and meaty lure of luscious Legolas and adorable Aragon, one viewing of any LOTR chapter is enough for me... and the wolf because the LOTR is nothing if not hugely rumbly and riddled with cringe-worthy crashing.

So...um... yeah. Anyway, I'm kind of reading this book I bought today at Chapters. It's called "Angus, Thongs and Full-Frontal snogging" by Louise Rennison and I suppose you could best describe it as an update on Sue Townsend's Adrian Mole series, only it's the diary confessions of a fourteen-year-old British girl **. And it's quite breezy and charming and stuff, but I'm in rather a flighty frame of mind and have been clicking through the channels like a crazed thing between pages.

A half an hour ago, I landed on a program I've never seen before. It's called "Most Haunted" and I'm reasonably sure it's British as the Most Haunted crew all speak with Brit accents and say things like "pram" and "higgledee-piggledee" and are hanging out somewhere in Essex. Anyway, I'm pretty much just aghast at this show, 'cuz I think it's suppose to be a "serious" investigation into the paranormal, but it's just so over-the-top with the lacquer-haired spirit medium "Derek" with his giant glittering pinkie ring alternately lisping and lilting as he "channels" a surly ground worker named Percy and then the spirit of a "lost little lad" named Michael and then points his bejeweled fingers at button-tufted leather furniture and shrieks "Monk! There's a monk in that corner!" whilst everyone gasps and obligingly goggles at the button-tufted leather chair, nodding knowingly.

And of course, there are obligitory scenes involving night vision which renders the crew all demon-eyed and ferret-like as they crouch down and link pinkies and call out to the spirits for signs. The spirits cheerfully send frigid breezes which the whole crew feel intensely, but which somehow fail to register on the ultra-sensitive temperature devices, of course. And then there's the romp through the haunted forest with the hysterical make-up lady, Marcel, whom it would seem always vows that this time, she is going to remain stoic and unflappable...but is bawling and flailing within minutes as they all mutter about mysterious footsteps and fleeting fingers brushing their scalps in ghostly ways.

So astonishing, this stuff. Really. And I just keep thinking, "Man, how do you happen on a gig like that?" I mean, I can shriek, do the twitchy Blair Witch eye-bulge thang and spot suspicious dust motes with the best of 'em. Give me a Brit accent and I'm so there, baby! Turn on the night vision!

And, um...that's kind of all. See? I told you not to get too excited. There's like, you know, totally no point to this entry.

** And uh, just so you know, I do on occasion read material intended for adults. Really. Honest to boots. Just not frequently.

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