I am contemplating criminal action. I am plotting stealthy theft. The object of my desire? The great greenish white Hydrangea blooms edging the Coffee Shop drive thru. Under cover of darkness and armed with sharp shears, I plan to creep up and go snip, snip, snip, snip. oh, better add a fifth snip, 'cuz these things have to be arranged in odd numbers.

So whadya think? do you think a balaclava would be too much? Maybe. But a cape would definitely be required. For the swooping, don'tcha know. Stylish swooping is essential.

But what if I get caught? What punishment do you think flower theft would net me? Hard time, ya think? Or jist a hefty fine? Do you suppose there's a special crime squad division devoted to nabbing garden grubbers? hmmm. And what if I become addicted to the adrenaline rush? What if I am seized daily by the sudden and overwhelming compulsion to bag blossoms? It could happen, you know. Snapdragons, round balls of Allium, Roses, Lilies, leafy greens could start vanishing mysteriously from my neighbours yards. Of course I'd swipe a few from my own yard too, so as to throw off any suspicion.

But no one would ever suspect me, really, on account of the fact I'm so completely innocent lookin'. It's true. I look like "butter wouldn't melt...".

hmmmmmm.........

This probably isn't what you were hoping for from me. You were probably hoping for something more along the lines of an explaination of where I've been for the last, um, FOREVER and what I've been up to. Yeah, well... I've been up to all sorts. Stuff beyond petty petal plucking. Let's see... I sanded and painted my garage door and all the wood trim on my house (finally!) with the help of my one and only....I entertained the most adorable toddler EVAH and pointedly pretended not to notice the bitsy fingerprints he left smeared all over my stainless steel kitchen appliances....I discovered that my (formerly) faithful wolf will gleefully abandon me for anyone under the age of ten given half a chance.... I've attended a boring diabetes clinic packed to the brimming with grey-haired, polyester clad seniors which made me feel both hopelessly geriatric and sensationally spritely in equal measures....I've emptied the library shelves of all books featuring Bengal Tigers.... I've watched really bad reality TV shows.... i've done all sorts o' stuff! All manner of things big and small, productive and not. But i haven't been reporting much of it too you. And for that, I apologize.

I've discovered that after more than a week of not updating, there's so much to tell, I'm exhausted just thinking about it. So then I wind up letting it go for another week and then when I do find a moment, I'm just so not in the mood. You know? Someone needs to invent a little device that inserts in your ear and downloads all the crap you've been thinking, spicing it up with flowery adjectives and purty images and scanning it all for grievous grammatical errors.

I'm thinking that if my posy pilfering plan does not go well, I may have a lot of time behind bars in a minimum security prison to design just such a device. I'll call it the Brain Bot and don't worry, I'll make sure it's pretty and fashionable.

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