I am now officially ancient.

I know this because on Friday afternoon, whilst stopped at a red light, I casually glanced over at a group of teenaged girls and felt the sudden irrepressible urge to roll down the window and shriek "Oh my god, you're not leaving the house like that! Go put something ON!"

Apparently butt cracks are the new clevage.

But really, people, this must stop! These teenaged girls (four of them) were all wearing jeans so lowslung and unbelievably tight, that they all appeared to have the rotund lovehandles of beer guzzling, middle aged carpenters. But really, none of them could have weighed more than 110 lbs. soaking wet. It's simply that their jeans were so suffocatingly tight that all their flesh was trying to escape out the top, creating a ridge of purpling pinched flesh that blubbed around their middles like an inner tube.

You could tell they thought they were the hottest thangs on the block, flipping their hair and sticking out their chests in their baby doll tees, wearing the slit-eyed, sultry expressions of bored supermodels but tell me... how is this even remotely attractive?

i fear for their future reproductive lives, their pubic bones and hips being so violently corseted. Someone needs to tell the youth of today that it cannot be healthy wearing pressure bandages as fashion and crippling blood flow to such a degree.

And how would you even begin to try to sit in jeans that low and tight? I am ever hopeful that is is a localized phenomenon, not a global blight.

OY!

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