2002-12-19 � birthday blues

bitter birthday blues

Today is Alyssa Millano's Birthday. Today is Jennifer Beals' birthday. Today is Darryl Hannah's birthday and yes, you may as well know, today is my birthday too.

I'm ever so enthused. NOT!

I'm not sure when I stopped wanting to mark my birthday, but i suspect it was around the time my mom stopped baking me special birthday cakes in fabulous shapes. One year it was a panda bear greedily gripping a candy cane, another year a big pink elephant spouting peanuts from his trunk. And, of course, there was the requisite snowman and christmas tree.

I used to think the entire season was all about me, me, me. The lights, the trees, the carols, the animation specials on tee vee, santa and his sack full of presents... all in celebration of wee me.

The illusion was heightened by the story (told over and over again at my insistence) that I came home from the hospital swathed in a giant stocking with my name embroidered on it. I even thought that the religious aspect of Christmas � the babe in the manger in all those nativity scenes � was about me and my birthday. Until I was four, I thought that the Christ child was there to represent me and my birth. I was crushed to bits to learn that the babe was, in fact, a boy with all the (we can assume) requisite boy bits. It made sense, sure. I mean, I really couldn't recall being visited by three wisemen or ever living in Bethlehem and my mother's name is Tanya, not Mary... but I was crushed all the same.

Now, firmly ensconced in my mid-thirties, I'm thinking the whole birthday thing is over-rated. I woke up this morning and peeled downstairs to get the newspaper off the porch. Noting miserably that it was pouring buckets and that all the beautiful snow and glitter the fairies had arranged for me on Monday night was rapidly dissolving into grimy puddles of slush, I fumbled through the arts and life section to find my horoscope for the year.

For those born December 19th:

You are daring, dramatic and brave. Because of this, you provoke strong reactions from others. You have a knack for overcoming difficulties in your life. The year ahead is one of endings, and wrapping up things. It's time to let go.

Huh? What? A year of endings? What does that mean? It doesn't sound good. I quickly rewrote it in my head to read: A year of new beginnings. That sounds much more promising. And then I went upstairs to surf the net for happier horoscopes.

That's pretty much all I'll be doing to celebrate today, searching for more positive horoscopes and continuing my internal debate about whether I should open my birthday presents under the tree now or wait until the hubby gets home, and whether or not I have the stomach to flash my ever-so-becoming driver's license picture at the video store clerk in order to collect my birthday freebie. Oh, and of course, there will be some traipsing around the mall too. 'Cuz that's all I seem to do these days.

Yee-haw.


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