2002-12-14 � 'Tis the Season

Noel is a four-letter word

I'm not entirely sure I'm going to emerge from this holiday season unscathed.

First, in a moment of Martha madness, I nearly burned the house down whilst attempting to fill my house with cinnamony goodness. I filled an old pot with cinnamon sticks, cloves and cardamom pods and not nearly enough water and left it to simmer. Then I came up here to my office to play on my Mac. The next thing I knew, the smoke detector was blaring, the wolf was shaking under my desk and my pot of cinnamon sticks was all aflame.

Then yesterday, in another fit of Christmas cheer, I decided to embellish the top of the living room book shelves with fresh greens, berries and candles. All was going well, all was looking rustic and splendid. I lit the candles and stepped off my stool... directly on to the wolf's tail. She yelped, I leapt back nearly toppling the man-eating Christmas tree, and catching a branch from my display of greens with my sleeve. The whole display came crashing to the floor, candles sputtering and green wax splattering. The Wolf disappeared upstairs with a yowl and her tail tucked between her legs.

Later that day, whilst carrying an enormous box of giftwrap to the basement, I stepped on a wayward pinecone and wiped out on the stairs. Rolls of giftwrap and bolts of ribbon unfurled gaily as I painfully bumped down three stairs on my bum. My curses rang out like carols as I lay dazed in a pile of wrap and ribbons, surveying the wreckage. My tail bone still aches.

And so I ask you... where are my elves, my fairies, my cook, baker and Christmas display maker?

And where is the bloody first aid kit?


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