2003-01-03 � Sirens

whip me, beat me, make me turn away

o people. I need to be severely disiplined. I need a frowning house mother with a too-tight bun and lesbian leanings to stand over me with a ruler and rap me upside the head whenever i start drifting aimlessly through my days, getting sucked into little pockets of diaryland madness. I need structure and guidance and will power. I need to be lectured and reprimanded and possibly even spanked.

might, darling? I need you to stop being so seductive and winning with all your beautiful words and stories of ralph wiggum cookies and dingos and tea. I need you to stop glowing there on my buddy list when I'm trying to make myself go sweep up the drifts of wolf hair collecting along the baseboards in my kitchen.

-sooner, love! I'm so glad you're back in action and that submarine sounds are pinging and richocheting off my seagrass green walls again.... but it's so hard � too hard � not to respond to your zinging little missives! You make me love you too much!

And peth... shining little Pethipuss... you with your little treasure box full of sock monkeys and photography and assorted distractions and alluring nonsense about time travel and fish cakes, strawberry frosting and blue berets... how will I ever get anything done when you're out there setting the stage and inviting me to play?

And you cindie-loo, yes you, Cindie-loo-who.... constantly shifting your template and strutting your stuff and lydibug being all sweet and pink and such like and encouraging allsorts of California dreamin'.... what am I to do about you?

And Andrea... oh, you tried to get me in line, persuading me to join up with the flylady and admonishing me to put on my lace-up shoes and fling 27 things. I know, you tried. But then you write these entries about karokeeing with vegetables and your secret desire to be a go-go girl and all I can think is "oh! I wish i was Alberta bound!" and off i go, dreaming and yearning for the big blue sky and glacier fed lakes and scottish boys and stuff. adumbration

Sigh. Too charming, too tempting, all of you. Sirens on the rocks, calling me to destruction.

I'm going to have to get better about ignoring you, I'm afraid. I have so much I want to achieve this year, so much to pursue.

Oh well, there's always tomorrow. And the next day. And the day after that. I'll start being all wonderfully disciplined and structured and organized then. I will, I will! Just watch and see!


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